I'd like to talk about my grandmother, Dadi, who lives with us in Jaipur. In a big joint family like ours, with three generations under one roof, there's always someone who disagrees with someone, and she's the person everyone goes to.
The argument I remember best happened about two years ago, between my father and his younger brother. My grandfather had left a small shop in the old city, and my father wanted to sell it, while my uncle wanted to keep running it. It got quite heated. They stopped eating dinner at the same time, and the whole house felt tense for weeks.
My grandmother didn't take sides. She asked each of them to sit with her separately and explain, not what they wanted, but why. It turned out my father was worried about money for my sister's wedding, and my uncle felt the shop was the last connection to their father. Once she'd heard both, she brought them together and suggested a compromise: my uncle would run the shop for two years, and if it didn't make a certain amount of profit, they'd sell it. Both agreed, and the shop's actually doing better now.
I think she's good at it for three reasons. Firstly, she's patient; she never tries to solve anything while people are still angry. Secondly, she looks for the reason behind the demand, which is usually where the real problem is. And thirdly, everyone trusts her because she's always fair, even with her own sons. I've tried to use her method with my friends. It doesn't always work, but asking "why" instead of "what" really does calm people down.